The Sound of Silence: My Journey from Pain to Purpose

by Lisa Bowman:

A communication and marketing leader shares her story and some guidance about workplace harassment.

For fifteen long months, I endured sexual harassment from a male peer on the Executive Team. As the Chief Marketing and Communications Officer at United Way Worldwide, I stayed silent, convincing myself I could navigate the situation alone. But silence has a breaking point. When I finally spoke up and reported the harassment, I couldn’t foresee the cascade of retaliation that would follow—culminating in my termination.

My story is not unique. The 2024 Deloitte Women at Work Survey revealed that four in ten women experienced microaggressions or harassment at work last year alone. Nearly 43% of women have faced inappropriate behavior from senior colleagues, and harassment drove 16% of women to leave their jobs altogether. Yet, despite these alarming statistics, silence remains the norm for many.

Fear is a silencer. Many women hesitate to report harassment out of fear of retaliation. Professional repercussions like job loss or demotion loom large, while social ostracism and personal attacks feel inevitable. I trusted HR to handle my report in line with company policy. I believed that stopping the harassment and protecting the brand were shared goals. I was wrong. HR’s allegiance lay with the company, not me.

This lack of trust in organizational systems often stems from witnessing indifference or hostility toward others who speak up. Combined with societal victim-blaming and gender norms that discourage confrontation, women face immense pressure to remain quiet. When I confided in a small circle about my experience, someone questioned my attire at work. No matter how professional I dressed, their focus shifted blame onto me—a pattern so many women endure.

Even in the face of my harasser targeting two young female employees under my supervision, silence seemed safer for them. Both were afraid to approach HR—a white male superior intimidated one because of her race, and the other because of her LGBTQ+ identity. Still, I took action on their behalf, as policy and my conscience obligated me to do so.

Speaking out is not just about exposing wrongdoing; it’s about ensuring no one else endures the same pain. But to do so effectively, we need actionable strategies to communicate what is occurring. There are five tactics I recommend that are part of Bystander Intervention. You can use these tactics yourself, or others can employ them to assist a colleague facing this.

Document: Keep meticulous written notes of every inappropriate comment and behavior. Dates, times, locations, and specific incidents will help build your case.

Direct: Verbally address the issue directly with the perpetrator, making it clear that the comments or behavior are inappropriate and shift the focus back to work. While this may not stop the behavior, it will allow you to assert boundaries. For example, I would routinely say things like, “We aren’t here to discuss how my outfit looks on me. That’s inappropriate. We are here to discuss ‘Business Initiative X’, so let’s keep it to work.”

Delegate: Find someone you trust and appoint them to help intervene if they see you in a tough situation, or cornered. It can be as simple as, “Bob, I have an urgent issue I need to discuss with Linda—I need to borrow her for a second, thanks.”

Distract: In certain moments, use a distraction to steer conversations away from inappropriate topics, neutralizing situations without escalation. If you see a co-worker pass by for example, flag them down; “Dawn, do you have a quick minute? I need to speak with you about something.” Depending on the relationship with the co-worker, you may choose to confide in them, or simply tell them, “I just needed to walk away, thank you.”

Delay: When supporting a co-worker, or if you witness inappropriate behavior and are unable to intervene in the moment, check-in on the person and ensure they are ok. Acknowledge what you saw and ask if you can do anything to help.

When my silence finally broke, I began to understand the importance of pausing to reflect.  Instead of rushing into public action, I allowed myself time to process and plan my steps carefully. My silence was not inaction; it was intentional and strategic. It gave me the clarity to build resilience and strategize, ensuring that my voice would be strong and purposeful when I finally spoke out.

Ultimately, silence is complicity. Choosing to speak out—even in the face of retaliation—was my way of breaking the cycle. Organizations must foster environments where harassment is met with swift accountability, not skepticism. If we fail to address workplace toxicity, brands risk irreparable harm, and individuals bear the cost.

Speaking out became a part of my healing process; make no mistake, these scenarios are trauma. Ask anyone who has been through this. Writing my book, “Hara**hole” was in some ways cathartic as what was “in” me, came out. And with speaking out came power. The power of knowing that if the act of sharing my situation helped just one other person, that made what I endured worth the pain. It became a purpose; to not let this happen again.

My journey taught me that courage and resilience are the bedrock of change. While the work ahead is immense, it begins with breaking the silence. Only then can we cast light on what remains hidden in the shadows. Together, through collective action and cultural shifts, we can create workplaces rooted in dignity and equity for all.

+++

Lisa Bowman is a two-time CMO, public speaker and Amazon best-selling author

Written by: Editor